thoughtsDrew Allenfunny, quotes

| The Quotes for 2007 |

thoughtsDrew Allenfunny, quotes

| The Quotes for 2007 |

WARNING!!: The following quotes may contain content that might be offensive . It has been edited for content, but some still may be offended. Many of these quotes were taken terribly out of context. That was kinda the point. Also, some names changed to protect the guilty. For the unrated, uncensored edition, email me. Ok. Enjoy.

“You’re an anatomical marvel.” - Jordan Shea, to me.

“I generally hate other people.” - Liz Cundy “I’m a people person.” - Liz Cundy

"If those animals come in here, i will faint." - Tim Hoyt

“Gay as in queer or Gay as in homosexual?” – Josh Shields

“I treasure our friendship so much.” - A Girl, to me.

"Real boobs should be spongey." - Laura Humphries

"If Jesus doesn't exist, then who carried me on that beach?" - Stephen Colbert

"Life is Life." Crob Ertson

"I'm in repair. I’m not together, but I’m getting there." - John Mayer.

"How Relentless is Your love." - Andre Henry, to Christ.

“Hey Laura, do you know if crack rocks are as hard as sugar cubes?” – Tim Hoyt

"We're bad girls." – Christin

"Tampon." – Court

"0.8, that's the... aw, crap!" - Josh

"I hate romance." - Nicole Cabrera

“Do it to yourself; just hold it right there.” – Mike Evans

"U(you) is the universe." - Fran Hopf

"The dogs have to go inside the fuzzy." - Fran Hopf

"Fran Hopf is an idiot." - Drew Allen

“I’m not going to have sex with you. I’m not going to take your virginity.” A Girl, to Me.

"Error: You must be someone's friend to make comments about them." –

“If it’s a woman, it’s like, ‘Yeah! You Better!’” – A Guy.

You don’t wanna be the guy at a bar holding a girl’s stuff while she goes to dance … You wanna be the guy out there pouring tequila on her while she’s dancing…” - Josh Shields

“You and your decadent mind…” – Josh Evans

“You and your descendant mind.” – Matt Green (see above quote)

“Matt is Matt. Stauffer is Stauffer.” – Crob and Drew (in unison)

“DREW! SEX!” – A Girl, to me.

“…I would be a WHORE.” – A Girl, to me.

“You know I swear, right?” – Mary Schmitt

"you want some Crotchola?" – Jane Kupfer

"I love you guys. I do. I'm not drunk." – Berto Evans

“I think Scotch would probably be better for you.” Mary Schmitt

“I hate you right here!” – Leah Welch

“There were no bad bands in the 80s.” – Jim Wharton

“Do not shrink the balls of Jesus.” – Donnie Marsh, on a denomination.

“I like him, except when he’s talking about God, or anything else.” – Drew Allen, on James Dobson

“I’m a woman. I submit. It’s what I do.” – Mary Schmitt

“Number one guard. At least.” – Matt Green

“If a woman lifts her hands in worship, she doesn’t **** *** ** *** ****.” – A Matt.

“Can I have a little bite of your muffin?” – Jane Kupfer, to Drew

“Ken, this is much easier with your shirt off.” – Leah Welch.

“I’ll be the douchebag.” – Zach Colley, on wingman ethics.

“You seen ‘Anchorman’? You know that movie with Will Frazier…” – Dump Truck

“Hey Drew, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!—Nevermind!” - Crob

“You’re kinda like Ron Jeremy, man.” – Zach Colley

“That was a strategic pass.” -- Matt Green

“That’s what Drew said.” – Matt Green

“I will never masturbate again.” - A Guy.

“It was Lady Marmalade” – Zach Colley

“I usually like whatever I see Nate doing.” – Leah Welch

“Women don’t get ****** when they’re in a coma.” – A Guy.

“Hopefully this’ll get me a lot of chicks!” – Ken Brown, on MySpace.

“She’s not the smartest knife in the drawer.” – Matt Green

“If my scrotum praises the Lord, would that be SACreligious?” – A Guy.

Matt: “You DO have ADD…” Santos: “What? I’m sorry…”

Matt: “What was the best thing before sliced bread?” Berto: “Probably the knife, I guess.”

“I’m the only czar on facebook.” – Czar.

“You haven’t quoted me yet, and I hate you for it.” – Cassie.

“I have an empty heart and a full can of Mase.” – Raquel Torres

“We want to be in control.” – Mary Schmitt

“I cry when Matt Stauffer holds me.” – Crob

“Oh I get around quite a bit.” – A Girl.

“Are you about to do an exhibition at Sea World?” – Leah Welch, to Drew.

“I will totally be your one-night stand..." A Girl, to me.

“We should hook up!” – A Girl, to me.

“You’re a girl, you have more flesh in your upper body… you should be sweating more.” – A Matt.

“I really hope there aren’t any bats here.” – Leah Welch, re: Georgia

“My first kiss will not be with a woman.” – A Girl.

“That’s awesome! I’m a [Mofo]!” – A Guy.

“I allow Matt to hold onto sections of Drew I don’t want.” – Leah Welch

“Whatever man, I’m not a spelling bee.” – Matt Green, upon his spelling being corrected.

“I love Mormons. The women are second to none.” – Jim Wharton

“Who’s Haiti?” – Matt Green

“Men are built to have sex with many anonymous women, or if that doesn’t work, themselves.” - A Guy.

“Just how much porn have you watched??” – A Guy

“Who is [Girl's name]?” – Jim Wharton, to Drew

“Leah, I need my pants back.” – Ken Brown

“Is Nancy Green Matt Green’s wife?” – Matt Lawton (he was new)

“Your bottom half looks very nice to me.” – A Girl, to Stauffer

“Hey… at least I’m not ugly.” – Matt Green, regarding losing his job.

“I’ve broken up with girls over that font.” – Jim Wharton, regarding Comic Sans

“It’s better to have good friends than cool friends.” – Drew Allen

“You used your tongue, right?” – A Girl.